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Its been a long time since I sat down and wrote anything for my blog. There are a few reasons I’ve been away. Work is one of them. When I’m at the comp for such a brief period of time, I try to make sure i’m doing work only. The other reason has been rather indirect. It was the arrival of my phuppu, Siraj phuppujan in our house three weeks ago.
I had been thinking of writing about her all this while, but never got around to it. There were times when I didnt know if I admired her, or hated her, or was just plain annoyed with her. There were times when I felt compassion also for her.
From the time I was small, she was a figure from whom we all ran away. She was not one to make overt displays of affection. In stead, if she spotted anyone with big nails, out came her deadly nail clippers and she would clip off the nails so deep, that we’d be nursing our hands for days! She also liked to braid my hair in two tight pig tails. Often, they were so tight that I could feel my scalp stretch , and my hair would remain unmussed, for even two days!
In recent days, or years, Siraj phuppujan became very weak, and was beset with diabetes. She was not one to follow doctors orders or anyone’s for that matter. Common maids who worked there and at our place would tell us, how she saw phuppu digging into mangoes, or watermelons and we would tch tch away.
Last year phuppujan fell very sick, and was hospitalised for nearly twenty days. My mother and mother in law, almost fell sick themselves looking after her. She recovered, but went back to her old ways.
There were some family disputes and other rubbish I dont want to talk about here, for which she left Bangalore, and moved back to Vellore for some time. Her son and his family stayed back here, probably relieved to have her off their hands. In Vellore, living alone, with my aunt next door, she had a great time frying fish, and chicken and making haleem all on her own.
Around 3 weeks ago, she had to come to Bangalore for those same family disputes, this time to resolve them. And the moment she came here, she was the demanding and annoying aunt we all dreaded. Shazu especially resented her arrival, as it meant that her room, her bed everything would go to her.
All of us at home ran at her call, although not me that much. I don’t know why she never asked me to do much work for her. I think its the hangover of that ‘princess effect’(another blog about that later). Anyways, my mother in law was sick and fed up of her own sister, and her nakhras.
The worst thing was that she wanted to eat everything that we ate. Whether it was rasmalais or grapes, all of them we had to hide from her. Still, she managed to shoot her sugar level upto 500. On Saturday night, she got up with really bad chest pain, and breathing difficulties. It wasnt anything new for us, because whenever she fell sick, there was an equal dose of melodrama also. But this time, apparently she was really very sick and Mansoor decided to hospitalise her at 3 am, Sunday morning. I was at moms place when he called me, at 3.30 am to inform me.
Later on Sunday, she was shifted to the ICU. I went to see her, and she was asleep. I pulled her bed covers to cover her properly and she woke up. She started moaning ‘Allah-hu’ and asked for water. The nurse refused saying she just gave her some. I walked out from there, thinking that she would be all right soon. Maybe this time it would take my mom and mil atleast a month to run after her in the hospital, but she’ll make it. But somewhere inside me, I believed that she wouldnt make it. I dont know why.
And on Monday morning, Parvez bhai called saying that she passed away. We all felt horrible for the mean thoughts we harbored about her while she was here. On Monday, we had to take her to Vellore, as she had made it apparent much before that she should be buried in Vellore only. We came back to Bangalore yesterday afternoon. Back in our house, the room where she stayed, shazu and my mil’s room, still holds her handbag, her medicine box, her clothes. Its eerie and really sad also.
I don’t think her life ever saw any happiness in it. Even if there was a chance for happiness she quashed it on her own. I can only hope that she has found peace now. And pray that none of us see the end of our days like this.
I’m no hard-core cricket fan. But the world cup is rather contagious and this is one occasion where Mansoor and Parvez and now Saboor are actually at home, watching what happens with a lot of excitement.
The last time world cup came, Saboor was only 4. He was rather oblivious to everything and I read with a lot of amusement, parents complaining about how no one wants to study for exams with World Cup around the corner. Now I know.
Sab is 8 now, mashallah, and he’s a BIG cricket fan. It gladdens my heart no end to see him talk shop with papaji…my grandfather, and there are cricketers of obscure and not so obscure countries whose names he knows and can rattle off with ease. Sometimes, I still can’t believe it when I listen to him discussing things with papaji about a match they would have seen together.
He’s been counting the days for the World cup to begin. And suddenly I realised that his exams are starting on 21st. The situation with studies for him is such that, he and I have a BIG, MASSIVE fight when it comes to sitting down to study…and with world cup matches, god..I really hope I can get him to sit down to study for his exams..
Talking about The World Cup..I’ve got a few memories associated with a couple of them…
- 1995 – The World Cup final was on…and Timmy our pet dog was very sick…and the horrible vet refused to come and see him, telling me on the phone that he was watching the World Cup! Can you believe that? Timmy died that day.
- 1991 – Once again the World Cup final. Correct me if I’m wrong, but this was the one where Pakistan won the World Cup. My uncle, (baba) a BIG Pakistan fan, (I hate these Paki fans) had been irritating Jun and me endlessly about how he was sure that Pak would win. And with sinking hearts when we realized that Pak was indeed going to win, Jun quickly disconnected the phone so that Baba wouldnt be able to call us and gloat! But the moment we reconnected the phone, it rang and guess who it was…baba himself!
- 2003 – Watched Zaheer Khan get properly smashed by the Aussies right from the first ball…watched it with a lot of disenchantment, especially with the stupid media like TOI, raving about Mandira Bedi’s spaghetti straps and how India ALWAYS won when she wore a sari(duh!) and the wierd astrological calculations according to which it was 20 yrs since India won the World Cup..and bang..twenty years later…we were definitely going to win it!…sheesh!
Yeah…well the World Cup is here again. And I’ve joined those ranks of parents who are hoping their kids will sit down and get some studying done too!
I’ve never really given serious thought to what the best gift could possibly be. But now, my mom has gone and given it to me, and only when I got it, I realised that it WAS the best gift ever.
On my birthday, Ayesha msgd me at 12 in the night. No one called, although I was wide awake, waiting for someone to call atleast!! Everyone thought that a call at that hour would wake up Azhaan and so on and etc. etc.etc.
I will not spoil this blog by mentioning those who forgot my birthday. There are some who can be forgiven, and the others, if its not important to them, its not important to make them realize they have forgotten either.
Evening came, and my gifts were as usual, from Shazu and Anjum. I was waiting for my mother to come, and bring her gifts. We were going out for dinner, all of us, and I was treating!! 
When I opened the flat, slightly thick gift she had given, I realised it was an album. Sidra had handed it to me, and I smiled, thinking that, perfect…i did need an album for Azzu’s pics and all that. I opened it, and saw to my surprise, a picture of me, with abbu. Abbu was holding me in my arms. Of course, I’ve seen this picture a hundred, a thousand times atleast. But I was pleased that ammi had given it to me. I turned the page and saw more pics. Whats this? Ammi had made a small collection of pictures of my birthdays from age 1 to age 8 i think!!! She had put in one photo from each birthday! I was SO touched, and really thrilled. The reason I was so thrilled was, 1. These pics are very precious. Taken on ordinary cameras years ago, no one knows where the negatives are. 2. Until I was given them for myself, I never realised that actually owning them would make me so happy. 3. Although, they were always there for me to see at moms place, they belonged to their respective albums. And now, some of them were mine!!!
There was the pic of my first bday, abbu holding me in his arms proudly, in HongKong. Ammi in the next pic, looking so beautiful, with a nose ring as she held me and my hand as I cut the cake. Second birthday in Vellore, a huge bash, almost as big as a wedding! I had garlands around my neck!! Third bday, me cuddling baby Jun in front of my tiered cake! Fourth bday, Mansoor standing behind me, but looking eagerly at the cake that was being cut! One more pic, of phuppa(my father in law) holding me. Another of Azeem and me standing together on TOP of the table!We were such brats! Totally, they must have been around 7 or 8, but they really made my day.
Ordinarily, I dont do anything much on my birthday. But this time, I was in a pretty good mood all day, and we went on for the dinner to China Pearl, where Azzu made dinner a little difficult for me, and Rayaan behaved himself, even going off to sleep conveniently! But still, I didnt care! I had a good time. Wish more of my birthdays were like this!!!
Its just a few more hours till I turn 29. I think being 28 was one year, I never really thought about anything else but my pregnancy and how to sustain it! My first checkup with the doctor was on March 2nd where she had scared the hell out of me by refusing to even give a tentative due date, or tell me whether the pregnancy would last. My birthday was spent at home, with family, and in laws, who came over rather sweetly. It was ok.
The year that went may not have been the cause of much recollection. But certain things have happened because of which I think I have changed irrevocably. Firstly, becoming a mother once more has reinforced the motherhood quotient in me.
Now, at the brink of 29…the age where I can still safely say ‘I’m in my twenties’ , I feel, so much has happened! This is the year my marriage turns 10 years old! Mashallah! I think it has been an amazing journey, from 19 to 29…getting to know Mansoor, loving him, Saboor, realising how much he means to me…getting a grip on my writing…Open Sesame…Curtains…miscarriages…Intra Uterine Death…Junaid…realizing the lengths to which I can go for my mother…learning how much she means to me….Pregnancy again…Azhaan…and Life!
But above all, in these ten years, I think I have attained some sort of maturity only in the past couple of years. The reason for this, those who have been with me for more than 10 years now, would know…my on again, off again unresolved feelings….can I safely say that they have been put to rest now? I don’t know. Only time would tell that.
Until now, despite being 28, or 27, in my mind, I was still an 18 year old. I dont know if that was such a good thing.:-) But somehow, the various events of the past year have made me realise that well, I’m 28. Until now, it had felt like it wasnt really me who was 28! I dont know why!
So, with all this weighing on my mind…here’s hoping that 29 will show the way for KiteStrings to get published finally! Thats one thing that I’m hoping will really happen.
