You are currently browsing the monthly archive for August, 2008.
…….only when it’s on Azhaan’s head……:)
Please say mashallah!!!:)
Eighteen years is a long time. It is a life time in fact. A life time of joys, sorrows, happy events and sad, milestones accomplished and achieved, and even the odd bout of depression. It is hard to believe that my father missed out on eighteen years of our lives. Today, the pain of losing him has diminished a little, but in stead, it is the pain of what he has lost out on that wrenches my heart. I cannot recount the numerous things he has missed seeing in our lives, because i am sure that will lead to a crying bout that will not end anytime soon.
When he was alive, I thought or rather felt that if something happened to him ever, I wouldnt be able to live. I wouldn’t be able to carry on my life but then, here we are, exactly eighteen years after the event that changed our lives forever, alive, and living each day. Life teaches us to survive and in that survival frenzy, we often put away those who are no longer with us on a backburner, because the emotional upheaval that it causes is disruptive and hurts us no end. But abbu, I wish I could tell you that I always remember you, with a smile on my face, because no one, no one ever treated me like a princess, like you did. I may be many things to many people, but I was special to you, and you let me know it in so many ways, in the short time we had together in this world. I cant write any more. There are tears clouding my eyes. Sorry guys, hope you make sense of this jumbled post.
For as long as I can remember, I have loved the beach. I don’t know what it is exactly, but water bodies have always thrilled me, although not the fish though. To be a bit cliched, maybe you could say its because I’m a Piscean, or maybe there is some water element in the entire make up of my body….whatever it is, I love the water.
Its been years since I went to the beach, and last week when we were in Chennai I didn’t think we would. But thanks to Sidra, we had to go. She had to shoot a small scene at the beach for her group documentary and although we dont know if they will use it or not, we went to give it a try.
Btw people, we(mom, sidra, me and kids) had been to Chennai last week for a couple of weddings. The weddings were in the evening, so there was plenty of time during the day. Ammi thought we ought to leave by 6 am because it would get too sunny later in the day, but we ended up going around tennish in the morning. The weather was good, not too much sun, and just the right amount of wind for a day on the beach, although we spent just an hour there.
By the time we were done there, Saboor’s cargo’s had sand in all the bottom pockets! 
He had been just 5 the last we had come, and I had missed the beach then, because I had to be in a conference. Apparently, he had been pretty scared that time, but this time, I was proud to say he’s my son! He got wet right till his waist, and then we all had a slightly icky time walking up the beach to the road where our auto was waiting.
All of us had gritty sand in our feet, except Ammi, because she had declined to stand anywhere near the water. Our clothes were wet, dried sand clinging to it and we all rushed back to the hotel, clamouring to take baths.
I realised that so many things change when you are an adult. When I was small, there was something about the beach that would make my heart expand with joy, just being near the sands, and the salty air. But this time, the feeling was much mitigated.
Anyways, I hope there is a next time soon.
This isn’t a picture of those cute poster babies that you see everywhere. This is Zoha. My niece. My brother Junaid’s daughter.
(Jun, I don’t know what you feel about me putting up her pics here, but then I just wanted to. If you’re not ok with it, let me know?)
Isn’t she a doll?
Zoha was born last year in November, amid a lot of personal turmoil, because until a month before that, we didn’t even know that Jun had got married. It’s a long story, but to cut it short, Jun married Ping in 2006 and he didn’t tell us about it because of various reasons. Whatever it is, the time when she was born was painful, and I cried because of the circumstances where this new baby was coming into the world.
Anyway, all that is behind us now. Hopefully. My mom has reconciled herself to this, although I have no idea what she’s actually feeling. My brother’s love story was fraught with a lot of emotional upheaval because no one wanted what he wanted. But now, since everything has happened and all decisions have been taken out of our hands, we have only the future to look forward to.
Jun, Zoha and Ping will be visiting us in October this year. I am excited, a little apprehensive and waiting to hold little Zoha in my arms.
I went and saw the results for my my MA exams (which I finally finished writing last year) and yes, I cleared all the papers!!!!!! Wowee!!! I am so thrilled! My marks are nothing great, but I am still happy nonetheless that, now I have an MA in English Literature! Ahem….:)
I was almost not going to do these exams. There was too much happening around at home and with Azhaan, and I dont even know how I managed to study for them, but I am so, so happy to have passed all the papers…even that bloody Criticism paper!!! Wow, a pat on the back for me….:D And even that entire paper on Grammar!! Double pat! If it weren’t raining like mad outside, and if I didn’t have a massive headache, and if I’d already bought my bike, I would have just taken the kids to Corner House and had a DBC. Hmmm
Yes, I did it again. Not oops…I did it on purpose. Just went and bought myself a flashy new phone about which I’d been dreaming from a long, long time. What is it with me and phones? I can’t seem to stop myself from buying them! So far, its been 5 phones in 4 years methinks. I don’t remember also.
For some reason, I didn’t feel like exchanging my old phone, Nokia 6300 for a new one. I’ve grown comfortable with it and have come to depend on it for so many things. How many nights it has stayed awake with me, playing songs for Az so he can fall asleep! Not even Mansoor sat up to give me company. Yeah, silly though it may sound, I’ve got a fond attachment for that phone. So I forked out a huge amount of money for this new phone at Chroma yesterday.
I bought the LG Viewty. For those who don’t know what it is, well, I’d say, its something like the Apple iPhone. Not as sexy and flashy, but very good nevertheless. Excellent features and although i do feel funny about narrating the camera specs of a phone, because it is a phone first, (we tend to get carried away dont we?), this one has a cool 5 mpl camera and video recording at 120 fps. Amazing what all they come up with!
Azhaan’s word for the mobile is very strange. Sometimes he calls it ‘mammu’ and sometimes he calls it ‘chitta’. I have NO idea what they mean, except that he refers to the mobile when he says those words. 
So, I’ve got me a new toy. Will be busy for a few days I think!!!
The capital letters tell it all. I am so excited and happy that no other font would have done. After 28 long years the Indian National Anthem was played at the Olympics because Abhinav Bindra won a gold medal in the shooting competition. I am not going to say any more, but its one moment that makes us proud to be Indians. I hope India has many such occasions where we will hear the National Anthem played for the world audience. Yay and Hurray!!!!
I had a nice lunch today. Met up with a few of my old friends from Commit. A couple of them left last year and we had kept in touch through the occasional sms. A couple others were more regular friends with whom I spoke at least a couple of times a month. We had been deciding to meet for more than three weeks now. We were just not able to pin down a venue. The most feasible choice for everyone was Ebony. Then on Thursday, there was a barrage of emails, going back and forth like crazy, about changing the venue.
I hadn’t been to Ebony before so I stuck to it, and then we decided, ok…let’s go there only. I took Azhaan along with me, and I didn’t tell ammi that Ebony is on the 13th floor of Barton Centre. She would have never let me go, or take Azhaan along. She would have rather carried him to Commercial Street where she went shopping with MIL, but wouldnt have let me take him. She’s paranoid that way
It was very nice. I wouldn’t say scenic actually, but a view of Bangalore from there was soothing. It was quiet, except for the other people having lunch and the occasional noisy birthday party. Azhaan kept pointing to the pigeons and saying ‘kaka’ , which is what he calls all birds anyway. The weather was very pleasant, not sunny and hot, and neither was it raining. But there was a slight chill in the air, just the kind of weather I like!
After lunch I got back home, and then spent the rest of the day at Ammi’s place waiting for Mansoor to pick us up. We could have gone on home, but he had said he would pick us up, so we waited. Btw, Mansoor bought a Santro on Friday, and although its second hand, its in pretty good condition. Now, I just need to brush up my driving skills and I guess I’ll be independent for the first time in my life!
So it’s nearly Friday now. Well almost. And I can’t wait for the weekend to come either. This week has been totally exhausting. Saboor had his Social Studies test on wednesday and I had to help him prepare for it. I don’t know what the reason is, but he is not performing well in school and his teacher told me that he needs help in all the subjects. I also seem to be very short on patience with him, screaming and yelling….I wish I could change, things could change…some of my attitude is because of being on my own, in a house, as well as Azhaan…Saboor stopped being affectionate with me when Az was born, although I keep calling him to my side, and trying to hug him. Probably he’s also growing up…<sigh>
Anyway, i’ve spent most of this week at office and as a result Az was with ammi, who’s become really tired running around after him. Also, I haven’t had much time to do anything with Kite Strings this whole week. Weekend doesnt look any better either. I’m planning to meet some of my friends from Commit for lunch and ammi doesn’t know yet. She won’t take too kindly to me leaving Azhaan with her again on Saturday, so i’ll probably take him along with me.
I’ve just been rambling, I realised, but you’ll understand I guess!!!
It’s been a long day and I am really tired. I had to go to office today and spent all 45 bone jarring minutes in an auto, so I couldn’t even read. At work, things were ok. Got back home and then I decided to go shopping to Coms with mom, because Atifa’s ( my cousin sister) engagement is on Saturday and I hadn’t bought any clothes for Azhaan yet. I had already finished buying for Saboor. And my gorgeous and glamorous aquamarine blue outfit is STILL being stitched, by that insufferable tailor. I’d told him that I want it today, but he has the temerity to tell me that he thought I wanted it on saturday. I told him I wanted it FOR Saturday. Gosh…
Anyway, this blog wasn’t about all that. I just opened my RSS Reader and what do I see? Everyone has been busy blogging! And I’m frantically reading all the blogs, right, left and center, and there are times when I want to comment but I end up reading the next one and the next one and that’s it!
I wish I could make myself check my RSS reader every morning. But the truth is that in the morning or night or whenever, reading my friend’s blogs is a luxury I can seldom afford. I love to read these leisurely and enjoy them, and the weekend seems perfect for that. But by then I am way behind. For instance I missed Lubi’s anniversary completely!! 
Anyhow, there’s nothing I can do to reverse the situation right now. I don’t want to imply that I am busy and others aren’t. Others are probably much more busy than me. No justification for now. Just sorry if I haven’t commented or read your blogs yet!
